“If I was just more confident, I would…”
… get out there more.
…charge more.
…raise my prices.
…apply to speak more.
…get my head shots updated.
…have more effective sales conversations.
Have you told yourself any of these things?
What if confidence isn’t a result, but it’s actually a decision?
So often, we think that after we accomplish something specific, then we’ll be more confident. But guess what? It doesn’t happen. So maybe the next thing will, or the next. Then eventually we chase the confidence and continue to use it as an excuse of why we aren’t more successful.
The inner critic starts: “I don’t know what I’m doing, I suck, I’m behind.”
So we chase more certifications or push ourselves so far outside of our zone of genius that we find ourselves doing things in our business that we don’t truly love (and we’re not amazing at). Then we use that as proof that we suck.
Sigh.
Are you tired of the game? Maybe you are out of it and you don’t struggle with it.Woohoo!
Or maybe you are smack in the middle of it, wondering if you can REALLY have the business you love that also pays you really well. Woohoo!
Either way, you have the ability to change it and that’s great news.
As I’ve experienced the highs and lows of the confidence roller coaster, I notice it comes down to these four things:
- Confidence is a choice. Are you willing to choose it? Could it be that simple?
- Have someone you trust who mirrors the truth and calls you on the lies you tell yourself. This isn’t your mom or spouse, unless they are in fact strong business partners. Coaches and masterminds are great for this.
- Act AND get out of your head. Take action on that thing that is scaring you. This will help you get out of your head and living in the space of possibilities again.
- Do your art. When you aren’t doing what you love, it’s easy to forget you are a badass. And what if any lack of confidence was actually you just forgetting that you’re dang good at what you do?
Recently I read a book called “The Art of Possibilities,” by Benjamin Zander and Rosamund Stone Zander. Benjamin is a conductor and renowned music teacher; he and his wife work with some of the best musicians in the world.
One of their principles is “Give an A.” The concept is that everyone in their class starts out with an A. Each student writes a letter to Mr. Zanders why they deserve an A. They write the letter a year from now, for example “Mr. Zanders, this is why I got an A….”
When Mr. Zanders asked the students what they thought of getting an A without doing anything yet to deserve it, a Taiwanese student shared how he was very confused. In his previous school, he was student #68 out of just over 70 students. But Mr. Zanders said he got an A.
So the student walked around for a couple of weeks wondering if he truly had an A or if he was number 68. Then he realized that it felt better to have an A so he DECIDED to be an A. His entire experience in Mr. Zanders class changed because he chose that he was an A.
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