Eat Pray Love – My journey in Italy continues

I meditated and did yoga at the Ananda meditation and yoga retreat center just outside of Assisi. I got in touch with a more expansive definition of “God,” one that moves a deep part of my soul and one that is not confined or defined by traditional religion.

This was an unexpected blessing from this trip and one that is just starting to unfold.

And then I would come out of that reality and into the reality of the very bland vegetarian food at the retreat and I kept craving avacados and bacon. wth?

Then I would be mesmerized at the beauty that surrounded me in this ancient land. And so that balance continued…

At the retreat they had a “purification” ceremony. You wrote down what you wanted to release, like a habit or belief. Then there was a process in which someone else acted as a channel of God to purify you from what you wrote down.Hmmm, this was not part of the plan. Needless to say, I was REALLY resistant to this process. I won’t go into the details of the ceremony to respect the sacred nature of it, but I was not getting into it.I was SO resistant to this process. I almost walked out of the room.

I thought “how can someone else do this for me? What makes the person so special that they act as “God”? The questions did not stop until I decided to stop the useless questioning.

I wasn’t really into it (as if you couldn’t tell), but before I chose the person I would approach to participate in this ceremony with, I made the decision to be all in, or get out. No half assing it here. No pretending to do it to fit in or what ever. In or out?

So I proceeded to write out the patterns in my life that I was ready to release and from which to be purified. I chose the person (there were three people available for the process. The woman I cohse had kind eyes and the energy I felt from her was like my Grandma Johnson who passed away several years ago. All my grandma had to do was be next to me and I felt loved.

As I finished the process and got up to walk away, I had a huge wave of love and gratitude wash over me. Honestly it surprised me.

Whether or not I “get” this ceremony or believe in it wasn’t the point. My ah-ha was “What if I stopped trying to do things by myself and received support from something bigger and greater than me?” Not just by paying a mentor or being part of a mastermind, but really opening myself up to the energy that is available to me in the universe, or God, or what ever term you wish to call it? What would be available to me then? How much greater can I BE and experience life? How much easier could life be? How much greater could be results and legacy be?

That was one of the biggest experiences I had at the retreat.Also in Italy…

I quickly learned how to drive a stick shift (manual transmission) uphill in windy roads in Tuscany. My Fiat 500 feels like a tin can on wheels and it’s super cute. To go from stopping to driving uphill required a lot of self trust and deep breathing so I didn’t roll backwards down the hill. Now I feel like a pro but don’t drive nearly as fast as these Italians. 🙂

It’s funny that the same people who have three hour dinners and have siestas will zip around you in a second because you are only going 15 kilometers over the speed limit and they want to go faster.

I’m learning what it truly feels like to go at my own pace and not let my competitive mind try to “keep up” with what I perceive as being expected of me or for fear of not getting ‘there’ fast enough.

I expanded my intuition and a deep connection to source. I abandoned it temporarily in a town called Chianciano Terme, which is a town I never care to go back to. (more about that in a video I recorded) Then I opened up to my deeper soul again. For some reason I created the experience of big contrast after I left the retreat center; it really forced me to see how easy it is to live “in spirit” or out of spirit.

I have felt total peace. And total disconnect.I have not cared that I don’t speak the language. And I’ve felt totally isolated because I can’t communicate. Then I realize how simple language can be and how we complicate it.

I have laughed. And I’ve cried.

I’ve been silent. A lot. Just quiet in my own thoughts or with my journal.

I fell into the trap of making decisions based on a scarcity money mindset then I chose differently. I received some great money miracles and I’m reminded that I’m totally supported. I’m getting more of my money, agreements and mindset into integrity with what is important to me. I’ve learned some deeper spiritual connections to money, my desire to receive more money and how I either expand or contract around that desire.

I learned a new healing technique and ways to connect to source.

I lit candles in Catholic churches for my clients, my family and a friend healing from shoulder and knee surgery. I normally wouldn’t light a candle in one of the churches here because I’m not Catholic and don’t want to do “it” wrong. What if I wasn’t allowed to because I’m not the religion?

But I felt moved to so I did. I stopped seeking permission to do what I felt inspired to do.I meditated on the beautiful wooden benches in front of the Virgin Mary and pictures of Jesus inside the glorious decorated ceilings in the churches.

I connected to St. Francis and Saint Clare in Assisi. Two people who boldly stood up for what they believe in…people who were persecuted for wanting something bigger in their life.

I released built up resistance I’ve had to a structured routines and see how the discipline of showing up consistently is something to be sought after. I saw how this resistance to a firm consistent structure was showing up in my business and creating a profit leak. The term meditation or yoga “practice” is about this same diligence.

I saw my excuses up close and personal and saw them for what they have been and how I can choose differently.I also saw how my greatest strengths are truly great. I have so much gratitude for my talents and gifts. I’m in awe at the excellence that comes through me.

And I got answers I’ve been seeking about my life, my relationships, including my marriage, and my business. I’m seeing how I’m showing up, where I’m not showing up and where I desire to show up. I’m seeing the difference between being selfish and serving myself.

Through it all, I’ve taken the many opportunities to forgive myself and others…and to love. Just simply love. Love the process, love what is, love what I desire, love it all.

Today I feel connected. I see new possibilities and a bigger vision to be realized using my gifts and talents. I see how I can serve more.

The theme of 2012 was “what do I want?” And that theme continues to this year, but deeper and richer. Instead of releasing and letting go, I’m in the process of adding to what is already in movement in my life.

This is the month of my birth and it’s so fitting that I feel like I’m birthing a new me, a new depth in my business, and a new peace and level of trust.

And I’m grateful for technology for it’s allowing me to make this record in my timeline of what I’m connected to. It’s also allowed me to connect with my hubby while we’re apart and see videos of my niece who is almost one take her first steps…it’s allowed me to connect with people all over the world.

And I’m not even going to get started about how amazed I am that GPS works when you know how to use it on your phone. But I learned the very important lesson that GPS does not replace intuition.