Today, I had scheduled an email promoting my newest class about messaging. This needed to be shared first.
It’s an interesting line we play with – run our businesses and market our stuff and use our voice to create a different possibility on the planet – and ideally, do both.
If you’ve watched anything on Facebook in the past few days or the news, you’ve seen the events occurring in the world, particularly in Virginia this past weekend.
The question that I deeply wonder about is, “Is what I’m doing and being in my life and business making an impact on humanity in the way I desire it?”
==> And if not, what can I change right away to align my life and business with the stand I choose to BE in this world?
I don’t know the answers for everyone.
What I DO know is this:
- How we treat people matters.
- How we treat ourselves matters.
- The way we run our businesses matters.
- What we speak up about matters.
- What we stay silent about matters.
I also know that people process the world’s atrocities differently. It’s ironic to me that these atrocities start with judgment that turns to violence, yet we judge people for what they do or don’t do based on what they post on social media. (Oh, she must not give a shit about what’s happening in Charlotteville because she posted about peaches and her succulent on Instagram.)
But that judgment topic is for another article I will write at another time… This is about why we stay silent and what do we do to change it.
I was having a conversation with a friend last night and we were discussing the parallels of what causes a person to stay silent when something that isn’t that big of a deal, to when people staying silent when blatant racism and hatred is happening.
I shared with her about when I was traveling in Italy by myself a few years ago and I was riding a bus to get from one airport to another.
It was 2 am and as tired travelers got on the bus, were looking forward to resting our eyes for a couple of hours. But the guy two seats in front of me thought that was a good time to watch videos on his iPad.
Without headphones. Loudly. What the hell?
I watched the other passengers give him dirty looks. They sighed loudly, hoping that would give the guy a clue. They looked at their travel buddy with expressions that said, “Can you believe this guy, what a jerk!”
Admittedly, I wanted to smack the guy.
But here’s what I noticed that was the most alarming thing: no one said a damn thing. This went on for about ten minutes.
I then reached forward and gently tapped him on the shoulder and kindly asked him to either listen with headphones or turn off the volume since it was 2 am and we were trying to rest.
He was embarrassed – it’s like he had no clue that is annoying videos were being listened to by everyone on the bus. He quickly obliged and when he left the bus a couple of hours later, he turned to face me and apologized again.
No confrontation. I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t mean. I made a kind and firm request.
I was also willing to speak up. This trait often makes me unpopular.
But why didn’t anyone else speak up? Why were they more comfortable being angry and annoyed than the 30 seconds it took to create a different possibility?
Have you noticed that there are some folks who would rather die and/or lie to avoid a conversation like that? But they are the first to bitch and moan about that annoying guy on the bus, or the woman who wouldn’t stop talking on her phone during the movie, or…
…the white guy holding a torch, spewing words of fear-based hate.
Different situations, but are they really? I mean, really? What’s the common denominator that encourages a person to stay silent?
One of the things I see is we’ve been erroneously taught to be polite.
Just take it.
Be nice.
Take the higher road.
Have manners.
Girls don’t talk that way.
Case-in-point:
I took my 5-year-old niece to get a pedicure for her birthday. She entering into a stage where she’s much more shy around new people than she used to be.
So we to this place and I notice right away that the energy isn’t the greatest. But I deal with it, which was my first mistake.
We sit down and the owner, a loud and energetic guy, is the one who’s working on my niece’s toes. He wants to talk and we just want a pedicure. I ask her if she’s okay with him painting her toes. She said it was okay.
He’s talking to my niece and she’s just looking at him, like “why are you talking to me?”
I’m looking at her and get close to her from my chair and ask her if she’s okay and asked why she wasn’t responding to his questions. I’ve never seen her do this.
I then made the mistake of telling her when people ask you a question, you answer.
DAMN – I wish I could turn back time and take that back.
She was having none of it. She didn’t like the guy and it was obvious.
I knew that this was MY issue and so I started asking myself some questions:
“What does she know about this place and this guy, that I’m not willing to be aware of?”
“What am I making a problem because I’m afraid that the employees will think she’s being rude?”
“Why am I not willing to just get up and leave?”
I chose to stay, which meant I forced her to stay. Why didn’t I leave? Why didn’t I take her outside and ask her if she wanted to leave?
Why?
Becuase I was more interested in being f*cking polite. What in the hell????
When we left, my niece and I had a chat and I asked her what was up.
She said, “I’m just shy and didn’t want to talk to him.”
I apologized to her and told her that if she’s ever uncomfortable with someone around us then we can leave anytime. And she never had to talk to people she didn’t want to talk to.
Every choice creates awareness. I now know that I’ll choose to leave a place that makes someone uncomfortable, regardless of their age and regardless if they are “shy.”
(Parents, I don’t know how you do this. I think I have forever wounded this child with this was one experience. Damn.)
I obliged. I taught her to oblige.
We tell kids to “hug” their aunt, or uncle, or family friend because that’s the polite thing to do.
We tell our daughters to look pretty and our sons to “man up.”
We tell ourselves to hustle faster to “play big” and ignore what we truly desire.
We silence our voice, our intuition, our desires, and our awareness and it’s affecting our ability to speak up to create a different possibility on our planet.
It all matters for the really big stuff so if we don’t start small with the guy on the bus, then will we speak up when the racist family member jokes about Mexicans who moved in next door? Or the friend who’s had a few too many drinks who jokes about “homos.”
Why do we stay silent to “keep the peace?”
Here’s what I know:
You matter.
Regardless of your past, the color of your skin, your religion or non-religion, your gender, or sexual orientation.
You have a message that only you can share. But you have to open up your mouth and speak it out loud so people can hear it.
==> Your message about what’s possible for our planet, creates change.
==> Your message about what you contribute through your business, changes generations.
==> Your message of tenacity, courage, possibilities, and the magic that YOU uniquely bring to the world, absolutely freaking matters.
Here are a few expansive questions to help guide you about what you can do and say: (If you are not familiar with this form of expansive questions, there’s an audio about it below.)
- What energy, space, and consciousness can I BE to BE the change I know is possible in the world?
- If I choose this, will this create for my future or decay my future?
- If I say this/do this, will this create more for the world and humanity?
Resources:
- Audio about the Power of Expansive Questions
This is a bonus audio that comes with my CREATE Cards that are designed to get you in the habit of asking these expansive questions. (what I mentioned above that explain these bizarre questions that when used, will change everything.
- Tools to Change Hopelessness into Possibility
If you are shaken up by the events of the world right now, I’ve created some tools for you in this post. It also includes a link to download a clearing loop. If you’re not familiar with the Access Consciousness® clearing statement that I use in this resource, details on that can also be found on the post.
